Meditation. When the word comes up in conversation, I used to automatically get an image in my mind, probably simliar to you. A bohemian girl, sitting crossed legged, on a pillow. Perhaps her hair in a loose fitting (but chic) top knot, clothes perfectly hanging on her body and toes painted to perfection. Hands in a specific pose, eyes closed and it was as if I could see her lungs inhaling the purified air. She would be able to meditate for what seemed like hours, looking all rested, relaxed and open.
And then I would try it. My knees would hurt after a few seconds in that position. My eyes wouldn’t close long enough. I always had that one hair across my face or that itch on my arm that would not go away. My clothing always seemed wrong, too hot or too cold and forget about trying to focus on the guided meditation, my breath or the way the air conditioner sounded. Within seconds, my mind wandered and within minutes, my frustration would spike. I opened my eyes, said fuck it, got up and started my day. I would beat myself up for this lack of attention, this lack of perfection and this lack of overall “just not getting it.”
I wondered to myself, often, what “they” knew that I didn’t. Why they could sit and meditate and why found it such a chore and difficult. Then it finally hit me, like a ton of bricks. I have to start somewhere, just like they did. I had to practice, just like they do. The biggest thing that I admitted to myself? That yes, I was worthy of the time it would take each day to practice meditation, to figure out what worked for me at the time and really, what the fuck I was trying to achieve during a meditation session.
For me, meditation is a way for me to quiet my mind. It is not a time to ask the universe for anything. It is a time for me to calibrate to my energy source. A time to raise my vibration. A time to just stop all momementum and just focus softly on whatever it is I chose that day. When I began to meditate on the regular, I started with just a few minutes in my car. I listened to people lilke Gabby Bernstein, Dr Wayne Dyer or Kris Carr. I would just listen for as long as I could without diverging. Some days it was 2 minutes, others I would listen for the whole ride (20 minutes). I worked on tuning out other thoughts and over the course of several months, I was able to listen consistently for more than 10 minutes at a time. I began to expand my guided meditations to those that included just constant sounds or repetitive noises. Over time, my meditation practice has evolved in that I look forward to my daily practice. I can sit for 15-20 minutes and enjoy the peace, the easiness and impulses I get from my inner being. I know that it doesn’t matter how long I meditate for each day, rather, just that I take time to do it. Try this on for size and I can assure you that the more consistent your meditation practice becomes, the more clarity you will gain about what your next steps are in your life.
Until next time